You can help your child cope with the death of a beloved pet by following some simple guidelines:
- When a pet is seriously ill or aging, begin to prepare your child.
Talk about "the day Smokey won't be around anymore."
Talk about how to say goodbye. - Explain that pets don't live as long as human beings.
Compare the expected life expectancies of dogs, cats, and pets such as hamsters. - If you decide on euthanasia:
Explain that the veterinarian is going to help your pet die gently so it won't have to feel any more pain. - Don't say you're putting the animal to sleep.
Children take this literally, and may become confused, afraid of sleep, or wait for the animal to return when it "wakes up". - Get some books from the library about losing a pet.
By borrowing them instead of purchasing them, you can also point out that you have to return the book because your child is not alone - there are other children who have lost their pets too. - Don't say the animal ran away from home.
Again, your child may keep waiting for it to return. - Help your child grieve.
Allow them to cry, draw pictures, review snapshots of their pet, or have a memorial service. Don't rush their grieving by immediately buying a new animal. It can diminish the special relationship they had with their pet and encourage a pattern of avoiding sorrow by distracting themselves or buying things.
Dr. Moore is a licensed psychologist and Founder and Director of Fall Creek Associates. She is President of the Sacramento Psychological Association, adjunct faculty member in the School of Psychology at the Fielding Graduate Institute, teaches classes through The Learning Exchange, and frequently appear as a guest on public service programs having to do with psychology and emotional wellness. She has also written a newspaper column called Senior Wellness, which focuses on general psychology topics as well as those of special interest to senior readers. In addition to working with private clients, she welcomes the opportunity to disseminate information on psychology and mental health issues to the general public through her PsychPages website.