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Home > A Happier Me

Extreme Breakup Recovery
Maximum Healing ? Minimum Time

by Jeanette Castelli, M.S.

If you are going through the emotional rollercoaster of a breakup, feeling pain, anger and depression, know this: You don't need to suffer one more day over your ex! It doesn't matter how long you have suffered, it is time to give up the pain and open up to a life free of pain, and use this breakup to your benefit.

You may feel that you can't stop clinging on to the past, but by clinging on to the past, you are stopping life. Life is change; people come and go in your life, and that is okay. As you grow, new people will come and some may leave. It is all for your own good. The tendency to cling to the old and avoid change is a common human trait. Unfortunately, it is also a self-defeating and self-destructive habit, and completely unnecessary.

I have seen too much suffering and pain from breakups. Friends, family members, clients and acquaintances have gone through long periods of pain before getting over their exes. It took them a long time before healing their hearts and opening for love again. From the outside, it was obvious that their exes were not the right people for them in the first place, or that their relationship had become stagnant and even sour. Finally the breakup occurred, followed by a long period of pain, suffering and ultimately a slow healing. (A long, painful recovery can create long lasting negative consequences in life, such as loss of a job, poor school performance, depression, weight problems, and many more).

Years later, after the breakup, I found them happier than ever, with a loved one. That new person seemed to be almost a perfect match. Looking back into their lives, they realized that unless they went through that breakup, finding their true love would not have happened. So, why couldn't they accept that this breakup was for their own good in the first place? Why couldn't they get over it faster, rather than taking months or years to do so? Why did they have to go through years or months of suffering? Why did they waste so much precious time of their lives?

After a breakup, everybody has two choices. One, leave the healing to time. Two, take charge of the recovery process. The first method will take a long time, pain and suffering before healing. It is slow and torturous. The second method, taking control, will allow anyone to accelerate the healing process, learn fast and move on, leaving space to find healthier and more fulfilling love than ever before. You may need some guidance on the steps for a fast and productive emotional healing. We have never been taught how to heal emotionally, so when we go through an emotional situation we are on our own. We need a method, a successfully proven method for emotional healing.

The Extreme F.A.S.T. method is an effective, simple and practical alternative to heal faster than you thought possible. Three facts make this method a very exciting proposition: First, it works; second, anyone can follow it and get results; third, it creates permanent change in the negative pattern of relationships. I must warn you: the Extreme F.A.S.T. method is not for people who want to suffer, cling on to the past, or keep repeating the same patterns in their relationships. This method is the ultimate healing tool: a quick, productive, effective and confronting method to heal as fast as you can. The steps are: Face It, Accept It, See The Lessons and Take Yourself To A New Level.

The first step is to Face It. The alternative to facing it, is denying it. Even though denial is a natural stage in any healing process it is unnecessary and it only creates prolonged suffering. You can accelerate your healing process by facing it. Even though it will be painful, it will feel so good afterwards. Some of the realities you need to face are: you have been hurt, you are emotional, you feel lonely and empty, and the most important one, it is over. This first step is intense and filled with emotional release. To make it easier, express your feelings and emotions privately, avoid self-destructive behaviors (such as drinking and casual sex) and be your own best friend.

The second step in the Extreme F.A.S.T. healing process is to Accept It. Acceptance means to surrender to what is real, versus what we wish were real. Acceptance also means that we can look into ourselves for honest answers. We can see how we contributed to the situation and how we were partly responsible for it. Among the things you need to accept are, that you have idealized your ex, you are there were warning signs and suffering helps you avoid your life.

The third step is to see the lessons. Life is always guiding us to what is best for us. Through joyful and painful experiences, we learn lessons that help us grow. Sometimes the only way we pay attention to our deep needs, is when we experience pain and suffering. These are the lessons you need to see about: self-esteem, your definition of love, and your choice of a partner. As you learn from these areas you are growing and preparing to get the love you truly deserve. An important question to ask yourself as you see your lessons: Is there anything that you fear about long term relationships?

The fourth and last step of the Extreme F.A.S.T. method is to Take Yourself To A New Level. This means to get to a new level in your life where you can start living your life in a more fulfilling way. Many of the apparently negative experiences we have in our lives guide us to explore new alternatives for ourselves. We may learn new ways of taking care of ourselves, new ways of feeling good about ourselves and new ways of relating to others. By taking small risks that feel comfortable for us, we grow and develop a new sense of self. Your new level of growth will include new levels of: Self-esteem and confidence, positive relationships, passion and Fun, and Love in your life.

By going through these steps, the Extreme F.A.S.T method can really help you accelerate your healing and get ready for a new love. But the first love you need to develop is with yourself. As you realize that the outside world is a reflection of your internal world, you may want to pay more attention to your feelings, emotions and needs. The pain that some experiences bring into your life is generally a call for you to pay more attention to yourself. So why not start now.

When you choose a method to use and follow in your breakup or divorce recovery, you are already on the path to healing. You have a choice; use your free will to choose what is best for YOU.

It requires a lot of courage and strength to want to heal fast. It would be easier to follow the mass belief that after a breakup we will go through a lot of pain and suffering for years, or at least months. However, you can make a different choice. You can believe in your own capacity to heal fast, in your own ability to get on with your life as soon as possible. You don't need to waste precious time suffering and dwelling on the past. You can get the love you truly deserve. Your true partner is already on the way; the more you suffer and prolong your healing, the more you will delay his or her arrival.

Make your choice: Time or Extreme Breakup Recovery?


Author, Jeanette Castelli, M.S. is an expert in self-empowerment, relationships and recovery. She is a self-improvement author, speaker and coach. Her education includes a Bachelor Of Science of Psychology, a Master Of Science of Psychology and a Master Of Business Administration (MBA). Her belief is in self-empowerment to create true changes in life by "doing not just reading." Her books feature an interactive, user-friendly step-by step guidance with practical, real life applications of the theory. She has written Extreme Breakup Recovery and The Joy Of Dating Again To contact the author email to postmaster@urbantex.com or visit www.extreme.urbantex.com or www.joy.urbantex.com

Copyright (c) 2004 Jeanette Castelli. Adapted from Extreme Breakup Recovery by Jeanette Castelli, M.S. A do it yourself Workshop-In-A-Book®. Features a step-by-step guidance through the Extreme F.A.S.T. method: proven for quick, permanent and productive recovery from any breakup or divorce. Includes exercises, worksheets and affirmations. Reprinted by permission of Jeanette Castelli.

Last modified: February 1, 2005

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